SARAH'S JOURNEY : Highways, hugs, and Recovery

 

When I first began writing this blog it was originally supposed to just be an update, but an image that I snapped while visiting Sarah in the hospital after her surgery inspired me to send a symbolic message.  I almost deleted the raw file from my SD card because I didn't feel that it was the best, but the more that I observed it and the more that I reflected on the emotions I felt when I snapped the camera kept tugging at my heart.  Of course, I'm not going to put that image up top ;)  I want to make sure I'm getting my ENTIRE message across, so we'll save that for last.

 

                    Sarah came home today, but not without a wild roller coaster ride.  She had surgery to remove her thyroid/cancer last Thursday and the aftermath was chaos just as we predicted.  Generally, you are able to go home to continue recovering after 24 hours and after this type of procedure it's "normal" for a person's calcium levels to be out of wack and they usually regulate themselves within 48 hours.  Sarah's levels have been extremely low along with her magnesium levels, so she had a longer stay unfortunately. If the hospital would have discharged her any earlier with her levels being so low that would have greatly jeopardized her health all together. 

         I went to the hospital to visit Sarah just a few hours after her surgery.  I have to confess that I was really nervous about visiting her.  I have never had to deal with seeing a loved one in a hospital after a serious surgery.  During the car ride to the hospital I twitched in my seat and went through the motions of all of the annoying nervous habits that I can't help but do during difficult times. As my boyfriend and I walked across the parking lot and towards the hospital entrance I looked up  I looked up because I was told that her room was on the 8th floor, so to distract my thoughts I attempted to count up to her floor and wondered which room was hers.

          It turns out that I was just as nervous as I thought I would be when I entered her room.  My thoughts were, 'Should I knock? Do I talk? Do I touch her?  What if I pull one of these iv's or cords out when and/if I hug her'???  Luckily her family was there and they share the same sense of humor as me, so we were able to lighten the mood by cracking a few jokes.  I had my camera there to document all of the images that are included in this specific blog, but I was so nervous for the first 20 minutes and could not get focused, so I put the camera down and tried to relax and get used to the environment for a bit.

                   Visually, I think the most difficult thing was seeing a
draining tube and massive hole coming out of Sarah's neck, which is pictured to the right.  She could hardly turn her neck and she spoke very quietly. 

She was understandably grumpy, but I could tell that she was happy to have her family and friends visiting .  Somehow with perfect timing I happened to capture her friend (who lives in Virginia) checking up on her through a video chat.








   







          

         
             Whether it's battling cancer, Crohn's Disease, drug addiction, alcoholism, anxiety, or depression  I think that the majority of people would agree that it can be very difficult to understand how sick somebody is when they look totally fine on the outside.  We can't physically see the battle, so when our loved ones finally hit rock bottom, take their own life, or are hooked up to a bunch of medical equipment it's the equivalent feeling to a culture shock.  I know that I probably say this in just about all of my blogs, but I really don't think a lot of people realize how sick Sarah is.  She has really good days, which can be deceiving to others who don't see her on her really bad days.  She's held it together pretty well, but things are about to get more difficult for her emotionally.  Since Sarah no longer has her thyroid her body isn't able to produce certain hormones and her moods have already began to change drastically and will continue to do so.  Eventually, she will take a hormone medication that she will be on for the rest of her life, but within 4 to 6 weeks she has to take a dose of radiation pills and she in unable to start the hormone medication until after radiation because it can interact negatively.  This is going to be extremely difficult on everyone because Sarah hasn't and won't be herself for awhile.  She's in a very fragile state (emotionally and physically), so it's really important that those who know Sarah really understand this. Little things that normally don't bother her appear to be big problems, her feelings are hurt easily, and her temper is much worse.  She was really worried about this before her surgery and mentioned numerous times that she hated the fact that she wouldn't be able to control these emotions, so please.  This builds up to what I wrote about in the very beginning of this blog.

          Now, in the very beginning of this journey I know that I said I would only include black and white images because I feel they are much more powerful and symbolic for this type of documentary, but  I'm going to break this rule for a moment because I find it appropriate in order to get my message across.  After all, I am a Photographer.

     When I first arrived and was still nervous I stood in the corner of room by the window for a few minutes.  As I gazed through the window I observed all of the all of the cars going down the highway and a calm feeling washed over me.  The dim street lights, the slightly brighter yet complimenting headlights, and glowing red taillights gave me a warm fuzzy feeling and then something else caught my attention.  I glanced up and saw my friend's reflection in the window.  She looked so helpless laying in the hospital bed and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.  I thought about how strong of a person she is and quietly snapped a couple of pictures (pictured above), knowing that this was the image that would symbolically describe every frustration that I have been feeling for her.

         I turned my attention back to the cars and the highway.  I thought about how all of the people driving those cars are innocently going about their daily lives/schedules while people like my friend are fighting for their lives in a hospital that is only a couple hundred feet in distance from the highway that these cars are driving on.  Many of these people drive by this hospital everyday and not once do they think about the people who are sitting in a room, watching from a distance.  It doesn't make the drivers wrong, but the observing patient can't help but wonder if they're being thought about while they're thinking of them.  I can't help but point out that this is how Sarah is feeling.  She hasn't come right out and worded it like I am, but it's quite easy to piece together.  People in our daily lives are within reaching distance, but they unintentionally neglect the emotional needs of somebody who is struggling.  We unintentionally become a landmark in others roads of life and assume that loved ones will always be there just as the hospital becomes a landmark to the drivers on the highway.  We are all guilty of becoming so caught up in our own lives and problems that we forget that it's not all about us, just like the drivers who are so set on their route and next destination. They forget that in each of those hospital windows is person who is fighting much harder than they are and more often than not a lonely feeling tags along.

        I want to challenge everyone who is reading my blog and the reason being is because Sarah inspires me in more ways than she'll ever realize, so I would like to pass some of that on to whoever is reading this.  Who is the emotionally strongest person in your life that comes to mind right off the bat?  HUG THEM when you see them next.  They may not appear to need a hug, but I guarantee that they need it more than they let on.  They may not be enduring the same physical challenges as Sarah, but she is the strongest person who comes to my mind. She's tough as nails, but low and behold, she needed a hug.  People need to feel loved by other people... She needed a hug and my hug meant more to her than you could ever imagine.  When I went through deep dark depression I pretended to just be angry because I saw my tears as a weakness to others.  I remember being randomly hugged a couple of times and I felt a piece of my soul had been healed.. I could actually feel the love in that hug.  Don't be the driver who looks at all of their surroundings as landmarks.  Realize that there is beauty in EVERYTHING and in every window is a story and familiar person who may need you.  You just need to look into that window and put yourself in others shoes.

            We're so happy that Sarah is going to be able to spend Christmas at home with her 4 year old son and I'm sure he is happy too.  Again, thank you all for your thoughts, kind words, and prayers.  I know that the medical staff deserves so much credit as well and we all greatly appreciate them more than you know, but I believe and have faith in the power of prayer just as much. 











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2015 + Changes + Visions = Free Form Photo

            I originally chose Frozen Moment Portraits as the name to represent my work because it was suitable for the product that I had to offer.  My goal at the time was to capture and freeze your moments to keep for a lifetime and I accomplished that.  Throughout the years my work and style has visibly evolved into a form of Art that I am very proud of because I've worked so hard to get to this point. I truly believe that I've been able to do so because I have the mentality that there is no such thing as consuming enough knowledge when it comes to Art and I always push myself to advance to the next level once I've mastered a new skill.  My masterpieces are exactly what I hoped and envisioned they would become and I have each and every single one of my customers to thank for that. Especially the ones who saw my potential in the beginning and have stuck it out with me throughout these past 6 years.

 

             I've struggled, I've cried, I've celebrated, I've learned to accept constructive criticism, I've screwed up, I've inspired, I've been inspired, and I'm now ready to reach my new goals and visions with all that I've learned so far along this journey.  Along with my new goals and visions I will be making a NAME CHANGE to represent my work and here is why.  Whether it's the title of a book, a band, a business, or poem I strongly feel that the title should stand for what you're presenting and/or representing.  I feel that Frozen Moment Portraits limits me on how I want to expand as an Artist.  There is so much that I have and want to offer rather than sticking to your traditional posed smiles.  Don't get me wrong.. I still enjoy those and I love putting my own twist on those images, but I also want to capture raw emotion like I've been slowly incorporating because I see beauty in that.  I want to incorporate things that I have a passion for and turn it into the Art that I know it's capable of becoming.  I have a love and passion for writing/poetry, redoing furniture, painting, gardening... The list is endless.  I want to expand and roll all of my artistic abilities into one to create something unique and original.  With that, I present you... FREE FORM PHOTO. 

           FREE FORM PHOTO is my baby and my best well kept secret that I have been planning for about 6 months now.  I thought that the end of 2014 would be perfect timing to announce this change because this is when I take the remainder of the year off to regroup and prep for the upcoming year.  I want to clarify one thing to avoid any confusion : This does not mean that I'm no longer photographing people :)  I am most certainly continuing that and it will remain my top priority for my business, so you can rest assured that I am not going anywhere as far as that is concerned (lol). I am simply just expanding my creativity for both customers and myself in order to keep my passion alive and I strongly felt that a Name Change was necessary <3  What really kicked my butt into gear is my best friend Sarah, whom I've been blogging about in SARAH'S JOURNEY.  I've been documenting her battle with Crohn's Disease and Thyroid Cancer for the past month because I told her that I wanted to turn her experience into something beautiful and informing.  When I wrote her first blog that is when I knew that I needed to quit putting my latest idea on the back burner and it make it come to life. 

WHY FREE FORM PHOTO?

I feel that Frozen Moment Portraits is too... traditional? Maybe too bland?  When I think of FMP I think of a traditional commercial portrait studio with all of the works,  flawless, and " picture perfect". While that was originally my goal I let life guide me and that's not where I ended up (funny how that works out).  I went with it and it has turned out in my favor.  Today I shoot all of my "studio" sessions out of my kitchen.  I drag my lights up from my basement while almost breaking my neck each time and I duct tape my backgrounds to my wall rather than using a stand.  I used to be self conscious about it, but I realized that people admire me for putting in the extra effort and creativity.  I love it because it challenges me and it allows others to see that it's not about having the top of the line equipment or perfecting setting. I break some traditional photography rules to get the outcome that I want and while some may frown upon it I pay no attention because it is my vision.  I am self taught and while I do have some classes under my belt I will be honest to say that I just don't have the patience to let somebody else teach me.  I read, I experiment, and I simply learn from trial and error.  I could write a novel about why I have chosen this name, but I will leave the rest for you to see in 2015.

           Now that I've let the cat out of the bag I will be making the appropriate changes as far as my business name goes Via Facebook and My Blog, so within the next couple of weeks you will no longer see the name Frozen Moment Portraits being used on either once it has met the guidelines for approval.  This may not seem like a very big change to you, but to me it's huge and symbolic.  If you can understand that then you totally get me as an Artist and Person.  If you don't get it, well... You'll just have to wait and see ;)

SARAH'S JOURNEY : I WISH YOU COULD COME HOME MOMMY

        I know that it's been awhile since I've updated you all on Sarah's journey and it's for a good reason.  You see, every time I begin to write an updated blog with Sarah's condition something is changing within the split of a second.  Rather than posting a roller coaster full of false worrying and a play by play I think it's most suitable to let time run it's course. 

          Since my last update Sarah has made several hospital visits.  All throughout her battle with Crohn's Disease Sarah has been going to local hospitals and Doctors because it's most convenient for her as far as transportation goes. It's very frustrating because when she has a flare up all that they do is pump her full of fluids to hydrate her, prescribe her another steroid/antibiotic, and send her home.  She is okay for a few days, but as soon as she tries to eat just about anything she is back to square one.  Her latest flare up occurred around Thanksgiving.  She became severely dehydrated and unable to keep food down, like usual.  On top of that she developed a UTI that's caused from some of the medications she is required to take. Her family finally had enough of the waiting game so they made the decision to take her to the Cleveland Clinic in hopes that she could receive better treatment. 

Sarah during her stay at the Cleveland Clinic.  If you know Sarah then you will know how much weight she's lost just by looking at this picture she took.
 

     
            Unfortunately, I was unable to be by Sarah's side for this hospital stay because of the distance.  Sarah is literally withering away before our eyes. When she last stepped onto the scale she weighed in the 130lbs range, which is close to 100lbs lost within the past 7 months.  This is what led her family to the decision to take her elsewhere for the time being.   Not only is this extremely hard on Sarah, but her family/friends who were unable to visit her regularly, her 4 year old son who misses his mommy dearly when she has to leave, and her Mother who is doing a hell of a job emotionally supporting Sarah and caring for her son while she is in and out of the hospital.  It broke my heart into a million pieces when Sarah told me what her son said when they spoke over the phone. 


The most recent picture of Sarah after she lost all of her weight
from her battle with Crohn's Disease.

Before Sarah's most recent weight loss back in
August.

 

















                 " I wish you could come home mommy "...  If that doesn't tug at your heart strings then I don't know what will.  Children are so much smarter than we give them credit for.  He may not understand all of the details, but he definitely knows that his mommy is sick.  So, pretty please with sugar on top;  While continuing to pray for Sarah please include prayers for this young boy and all of Sarah's family.  I know that we don't intentionally neglect their feelings and emotions, but this whole journey is just as difficult on them as it is for Sarah.  They may not feel what she does, but it's definitely effecting them just as much, but in a different way. 

               I originally began writing this specific update when she was admitted to the Cleveland Clinic, but I held off on posting due to all of the random decisions being made by her team of Doctors.  She was put on a diet of strictly liquids and once she was hydrated enough they began letting her have solid foods again. We expected Sarah to have a longer stay at the hospital, but to our surprise she was discharged after just a few days.  I'm happy to say that my best friend has been doing extremely well for the past week.  She's been put on a steroid that has been helping tremendously and she's been able to resume some of her normal daily routine and mommy duties again. This steroid is by no means meant to permanently replace her Crohn's medication.  As I've mentioned before she is unable to take the Humira because it can negatively interact with her upcoming surgery and radiation to remove her thyroid cancer. Once that part of her journey is complete she will be able to resume it again.  I want everybody to realize that these are 2 completely different medical conditions that are not caused by one another.  Sarah was unfortunately, dealt a bad hand of cards though I fully believe that both your prayers and the Cleveland Clinic combined are what have drastically improved her health within the past week. I want everyone to also understand that her condition can drastically change at any time, especially since she is unable to take the medicine that is specifically designed to prevent flare ups in her colon due to her Crohn's Disease. 

                 We're taking it one day at a time because that is all that we can do.  In just 10 days Sarah will go into surgery to have her thyroid removed and while she is happy to be feeling much better the stress and worry of her upcoming surgery is beginning to overshadow that. I will update you all when I feel that it is appropriate.  Right now we are in the process of planning a day to bake holiday treats before her surgery.  This is something she looks forward to doing every year and because she is unsure of how she is going to adjust after the procedure we want to do it before hand.  I thank each and every one of you for your kind words, prayers, and concern. 

SARAH'S JOURNEY : Positive Frustrations

*** If you are new to following Sarah's Journey I highly recommend reading the first blog to catch up and  have a better step by step understanding of why we're doing this and what it's about.  You can access the first blog by clicking this link :  http://frozenmomentportraits.blogspot.com/2014/11/sarahs-journey-beginning.html




                 "I'm in so much pain", Sarah said into the phone.   An anguishing sob trailed after a pause in between her sentence.  A sob so out of her normal character that I could almost feel her emotional pain and frustration.  That's the very first thing my best friend said when she answered the phone this morning.  What troubles me most about this is that she has several different conditions that are known to cause much physical pain yet nobody is keeping her comfortable by treating her for that pain.  Due to the Heroin Epidemic it is very hard to find a doctor who will prescribe her anything because it is feared and statistics show that patients will become addicted to the narcotic and eventually turn to the street drug, which is cheaper and stronger.   I know that my friend would never get caught up in heroin and anybody who knows Sarah would agree, but try telling a doctor who doesn't see her in such agony when it strikes and they will assume she's drug seeking.  It is my opinion that there wouldn't be a heroin epidemic if Doctors would just treat their patients with their given pain level. There is no other way to test or determine other than to trust the patient.  After all, we put our trust and lives into their hands. Also, No : This topic is not open for discussion. There are several ways to determine a drug seeker and Sarah is not one of them.  The next step is to get her referred to pain management, but as you can assume, that too is a process and a longer amount of time that goes by that she remains in pain.  Anyway, back to Sarah's frustrations instead of mine :)

             Normally, when we cry to one another it's because of emotional circumstances that can be patched up with advice from similar experiences.  Unfortunately, I cannot relate, but what I have come to realize early into Sarah's Journey is that just listening can be more beneficial than anything else. That and humor ;) It may not fix the problem, but I am a firm believer in not letting your thoughts consume your mind when you're going through a bad time.  The pressure of negative energy needs to be released in a positive way when it builds up and your mind needs to be treated and healed with positive energy and that's where my humor comes in :D  Today's blog specifically reflects around some of the ups and downs of emotions that take place once everything sets in.  I feel that Sarah's mind is going into an adaption mode to emotionally and psychologically prepare her for everything that she is going to experience within the next few months.

                         Last week I woke up before the sun was even awake to go to Sarah's Doctor's Appointment for moral support.  This was her appointment where her surgery to remove her thyroid would be discussed along with her questions and concerns.  During our drive she expressed her frustrations and that's when I knew that everything was finally hitting her. Up until that morning she was pretty positive and keeping busy to keep her mind off of things, but I think that the doctor's appointment left her with no other choice, but to face reality.  I could see an instant change in her demeanor when I hopped into the vehicle and I knew that she just needed somebody to listen to her.

         It was very important to Sarah that I mention one of her frustrations in this next blog.  She greatly appreciates all of the support that has poured in since I posted her first blog about her conditions as it has reached well over 300 views.  I see her face light up when she talks about reading all of the kind words, positive vibes, prayers, and genuinely concerned people who have shown support on my page.  I feel that positive energy is without a doubt a therapeutic medicine and while this was her choice to make her journey public she also wants others to respect her privacy.  She mentioned her frustrations over the fact that people who never gave her the time of day before began sending her friend requests on Facebook and asking family members questions.  I totally get it because being genuinely concerned versus being nosey can be a difficult card to read.  I've been there under different circumstances and while you appreciate the support and concern and it can be upsetting/frustrating when you realize that some people are involving themselves for the wrong reasons.  So please, out of respect for my best friend respect her privacy.  If there is something she wants people to know she will gladly have it shared on my blog.  It may sound silly to the reader, but I can guarantee that if you're reading this and have been through any type of crises then you will agree and relate to how she is feeling. 

          We arrived to her appointment extra early so that she could fill out paper work.  To lighten the mood I made inappropriate jokes about the personal questions on the forms, which brought a smile to her face.  When we finally got called back we continued on with our twisted sense of humor while we waited for the Doctor.. By the way, I HATE Doctors.  I put on my hard ass face and was ready to throw down at the first arrogant response that the doctor would give to any of the questions my friend has scribbled out on her folded piece of paper, but I was wrong.  In walked a very kind woman, who introduced herself to me, greeted us both with a smile, sat right next to Sarah, and talked to her like a person and not just a patient.  She gladly took Sarah's folded piece of paper, slowly read through the questions, and she answered them very thoroughly.  I was very impressed. 

       The doctor explained that generally patients only stay in the hospital for one day after having their thyroid removed, but because Sarah has a very weakened immune system due to her Crohn's she was advised to prepare for a longer stay just incase her body doesn't respond like others after this procedure.  We originally thought that she would start radiation therapy immediately after her surgery, but to Sarah's relief that won't be the case.  4-6 weeks after surgery she will be sent to another specialist who will give her 1-2 doses of a radiation pill.  I'm sure that this will leave her exhausted while she also battles her Crohn's, which she had to stop taking the medication for since it can interact negatively with the whole thyroid process. Lastly, she found that she must get some of her molars pulled before she begins radiation due to the excessive vomiting from her Crohn's Disease.  She's been using special toothe paste to protect her enamel, but unfortunately because is so sick the acids have began destroying some of her teeth :(  These things make Sarah's current situation more stressful and frustrating.  Cancer and surgery are emotionally and physically exhausting all on their own, so to adding other life threating conditions and obstacles to the mix only makes it harder. 




         Sarah received the call that the surgery to remove her thyroid is scheduled for December 18th, just 7 days before Christmas.  Another one of Sarah's  frustrations is that she can't do the simple things that she's used to doing with her 4 1/2 year old son.  It's hard for her to get into the holiday spirit and I know that she's worried about how she will be feeling during the holidays with having surgery so close to Christmas.  That's where I had a brilliant idea to bake cookies with our kids at some point within the next couple of weeks :)  Nothing wrong with celebrating Christmas early considering all of the store have Christmas Decorations out before Halloween (lol).

SARAH'S JOURNEY - The Beginning

 

                    This is my best friend of 8 years and these are her real tears. Sarah has been battling flare ups from Crohn's Disease for several months now.   Last week she was admitted to the hospital to receive treatment from a flare up and while several routine tests were being done they stumbled upon a new finding.  At 25 years old Sarah has been diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. 

 

                    Nobody really knows what to say to a loved one when we hear the "c" word, let alone a 25 year old who still has her whole life ahead of her.  Once the word became a reality for us I decided that we MUST turn this into a positive experience.  Sarah has been kind and brave enough to allow me to document and share her journey with you all.  She has given me permission to photograph her during the most vulnerable time in her life and is allowing you all to know her thoughts as she begins a fight through surgery, radiation therapy, recovery, and continuing her battle with Crohn's Disease.  I know that I can ALWAYS ask and talk to her about anything, but I will admit that I was afraid of asking her to allow me to do this simply because it is such an invasive and personal situation. 

 

                   Over the past 6 years my Photography work has been based upon happy emotions, getting people to smile for the camera, and making others look their best. This is totally different from anything that I've ever done.  This time around we are entering a world where flaws are flawless, tears are beautiful, and raw emotion is perfection to get our point across.  Here, everything is less vibrant and more black and white, which explains why I have chosen to photograph every image in such a way.  I feel that black and white gives a much stronger presentation and visual image when emotion is involved. 

 

                 There were many times after she agreed to do this that she mentioned that she didn't want people to get the impression that she's wanting a handout, a pity party, or sympathy.  I totally get where she is coming from and out of respect I want to empathize on that for her. I am surprised that she allowed me to use the picture posted above, which I snapped as we were having a heart to heart.  She doesn't wear her emotions on her sleeve, she's rough around the edges until you really get to know her.. Basically, she's a bad @$$, like myself (LOL).  What she wants out of this is to educate readers about both cancer and Crohn's Disease and she wants to inspire others who may be suffering through the same thing.  With that being said, let's begin Sarah's Journey together.

 

 

 
 
 
 

             2 days after Sarah came home from the hospital I invited her over for lunch.  I wanted to just talk as friends and she agreed to let me make it a part of her introduction as well.  Sarah began having stomach problems shortly after  December of 2013.  After several ER visits and Doctor's appointments she was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease in May of 2014.

             I won't go into a long definition and lecture on this particular blog, but for those of you who aren't familiar with this condition it's a is a type of inflammatory bowel disease that can affect the gastrointestinal tract from mouth to anus.^[2] Symptoms may include: abdominal pain, diarrhea (which may be bloody if inflammation is severe), fever and weight loss.  This also explains the skin rashes that had been coming and going several months before.  She had good days where she felt fine and out of the blue the symptoms would hit her like a ton of bricks.  This led her to feel that others thought she was exaggerating over the pain she was in.  Between December of 2013 and her hospital stay last week Sarah has went from weighing 225 lbs. to only weighing 144lbs.  Those of you who know Sarah know that she is not a small framed woman.  I have never known my best friend to weigh this little and while I think she looks great it's not a good thing and it cannot go ignored. 

                
                            When Sarah was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer the Doctors told her that she had to stop taking her medication for her Crohn's before she could get surgery and radiation therapy otherwise it may interact negatively.  This is another step back because the medication doesn't start working right away as it is, so once her battle with cancer is over she is back to square one again.  Instead of worrying about all of that that I told her to come over and I would cook whatever she wanted.  I made a yummy tuna casserole and bought some fresh bakery bread.  I totally meant to take pictures of it, but we were both so hungry by the time that she got here, haha :)  After lunch we took my studio lights up to my bedroom because it was time to talk and I wanted her to feel comfortable, knowing that I would snap my camera at any given time to show what the beginning of her journey looks like.

              I asked Sarah how being diagnosed with cancer has changed her life so far in the beginning stages and this is what she had to say. She was originally diagnosed with a hyperactive thyroid during her hospital stay for her Crohn's flare up, so she thought that they were just running some additional tests on those results. 
              " It freaked me out just for the simple fact I got this biopsy done and when I talked to the nurses they pretty much told me that there was a 1 percent chance.. People don't get this. It's very rare cancer, so when I was in the hospital I wasn't taking it seriously because of what they said.  A doctor came in that morning and asked if I got the biopsy results back from my thyroid and I told him no.  He walked up to the computer screen and he said that he wasn't expecting this.  He told me that the test came back positive for thyroid cancer with some masses they found. I was like, 'what does this mean'? He had like 4 different doctors in the room, so I wasn't going to cry with all of those people around.  That's just not how I am. I told him that I didn't have any questions when he asked, so left and then I called my mom who was at work... I just started bawling, Sam.  My grandpa just died of Colon Cancer in August, so Cancer.. the word Cancer just scares me.  When I heard it I just thought chemo-therapy, gonna lose my hair, radiation..."

           There are so many more things that we discussed during our visit.  Some, I just don't feel are necessary to post out of respect for Sarah and some, I would love to save for future updates so that we don't fall off course with the topic of discussion for today.  She has a Doctor's appointment scheduled for Thursday morning to get the ball rolling and you bet I will be there and I will be back to continuously update everyone through Sarah's journey ;) 

            Thank you, Sarah :  For opening up to us.  I know that this is way out of the way from how you are used to coping with your feelings.  You are used to bottling things up (just like myself) and I appreciate and find it beautiful that you are doing it this way instead.  I love you so much <3